


til i've faded out of sight

by gardevoire



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Character Study, Episode Tag, Episode: s10e12 The Doctor Falls, F/M, Introspection, Spoilers for The Doctor Falls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 01:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11369805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gardevoire/pseuds/gardevoire
Summary: as you lie dying, you think only of the Doctor.





	til i've faded out of sight

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, that episode killed me. 
> 
> I wrote this in about twenty minutes just now, just trying to sort out my endless Twissy feelings.
> 
> Title from "Holes", by The Paper Kites – it's absolutely beautiful, and very poignant, IMO.

As you lie dying, surrounded by death—dead leaves and dead Cybermen and your own two dead hearts straining to live—you think of the Doctor.

Your past self is still laughing. His voice echoes in your ears and you laugh too because this was always going to happen, wasn’t it? You evaded death at the hands of the Executioners only to meet it head-on at the hands of your own former self.

What kind of dramatic irony is that?

You can feel each cell in your body, trying so hard to just _live_ and kickstart _just_ enough artron to force a regeneration, but you don’t know that it’s enough. Your breaths are laborious to your ears, your heartbeat slowing down and down and down.

So you think of the Doctor. Of your once–best friend, who could have been your best friend once more, had you just _used your head,_ been clever and covered all your bases. 

Instead, all you feel is your life-force leaking from your body, draining into the universe, that universe filled with stars you will never get to see, worlds you will never get to explore. The times you could have had—the things you could have seen! The Master and the Doctor, side by side, so many potential timelines, snuffed out one by one like candles. You’d promised him everything, once, and you’d hoped that, with time, you would come to realise that promise again.

But you are dying. It’s the end of the road for you, and not just this you—this wonderful, genius, funny, almost–good you—but perhaps for all of you. How many regenerations have you left? How much hope can you possibly have to spare?

You think of the Doctor, and seventy years spent dancing around each other, unable to put into words that strange feeling that still pulls at your hearts even as they struggle to beat.

At least you had all those years. You had his friendship. You had his love. And, in moments few and far between, you’d had his trust. The two of you, face to face and friends again… It’s all you’ve ever wanted, and you’re only just beginning to see the world as the Doctor sees it: full of hope and kindness. Your past self will regenerate, and some day he too will understand, but by then it will be too late.

You are going to die.

You've been running so long. The Doctor—because you think only of the Doctor, in this moment—ran first, and you chased him, but at some point you stopped running to the Doctor and you started running from the end. And you ran so far, and so fast, that you thought you’d outrun it once and for all.

But inevitably, time catches up to you.

You wonder what it means to truly die.

For that brief moment, you are at peace. You want to reach out into the cosmos, brush your consciousness against the Doctor’s, and whisper, _you win._

But you can’t. And that painful irony, that after all this time, the Doctor has finally swayed you to his side, and he’ll never know? 

That in itself is enough to tide you over until—


End file.
